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| Today In History |
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| Quote Of The Day |
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| Mr.Sandman bring me a dream |
| Tuesday, May 31, 2005 |
Well it's late
It is way past my bed time so I guess I should crawl into my bed and hibernate for a while Till I am rudely awakened by my 3 year old hyperactive talkative rug rat telling me he is hungry or something like that why can't he be a bit more self suficient I mean hell I leave all his treats and snacks in arms level for him in the refridgerator just let me sleep ya little shit. Anyway it's off to bed for me .
Wired Wizard.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz |
posted by Wired Wizard @ 2:11 AM   |
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| Anyone ? |
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Where is Longhorn
Anyone know more or less when Microsoft will be releasing their new Windows OS?
I mean come one Sony is releasing PS3 Nintendo is releasing the Nintendo Revolution and Microsoft is releasing the XBOX360 so where the hell is the new WINDOWS dammit? Don't make me have to switch to linux for fucks sake.
Wired Wizard.
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| posted by Wired Wizard @ 2:07 AM |
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| Survey says |
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Yes you are my dear yes you are
For those of you non spanish speaking fools who visit here her shirt says BITCH and I am sure she is quite proud of that fact I mean look at that rack woudln't you want to snuggle those babies. But keep in mind one thing her big ass boobies are as wide as her hips so thats not a good thing so this fat ass might be a bitch but she is also a fat bitch so throw her a twinkie or something have her suck ya off and then send he packing because the last thing you want to deal with is a bitch let alone a fat one.
Wired Wizard
I'd give her a check up from the chest up for sure |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 2:03 AM |
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| Not really normal am I? |
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me a geek ?
Its amazing now that I think about it I would rather be at a computer show than a nice resturant, I would rather upgrade my PC than fix my car. I get excited when I hear about a new graphics card. I prefer the statistics of a high end pc than that of a performance sports car. The thought of going a day without my PC and I start to twitch if I am away from a PC for more than 4 hours I start getting withdrawls. The prospect of a 30 inch flat pannel LCD monitor make me giggle like a school girl. SO WHY THE FUCK IS IT THAT PEOPLE CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT HOW TO SEND EMAILS. What the hell is wrong with these people are they so disconnected from society that they do not need computers? You know the people I am talking about the people who still insist on writting letters the old fashioned way. Or still listen to their cds on a stand alone cd player. I mean hey I love 1984 as well and would prefer it personally but this is the electronic age, pencil and paper will be a think of the past (sadly) and if you don't keep up your goning to find your self in the unfavorable position of being phased out of society. Then there are the wannabee's the one's who buy a Gateway or Dell pc and think they are L33t or the n00b who swears he built his pc from the ground up but still calls tech support when his rig makes a noise. I just don't get it.
PC's are in almost every home in the United States and Europe and Asia and yet there are people who have never sent an email or burned a cd or played the original DOOM for heavens sakes. What is wrong with you people. Get with the program. Get a pc or better yet take a few online courses at least you will be somewhat educated, then get with the rest of us worthless indoor dwelling nerds who haven't seen sunlight or haven't had a date in at least 10 years the few the proud the geek.
Wired Wizard.
Sometime I just wish your head would explode. |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 1:46 AM |
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| It Never Fails. |
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Yeah I wish
It should come as no surprise that I am easily distracted, I can be having a perfectly normal conversation with someone and find a paper clip and begin playing with it and soon I am totally lost as to what the conversation is about. Now sometimes this is a blessing like when my fiance is talking to me about something that I really don't want to talk about or she is chewing me out for being an asshole which is 90% of the time but most of the time it is a curse like when I am watching a movie and someone snorts or farts or makes a noise and I lose about 5 minutes of the movie then I am lost and clueless as to what is going on. Now I am probably going to see Episode 3 this upcoming weekend ( I wanted to wait for all the Star Wars geeks to get their fix first ) and chances are I am going to be sitting down watching the movie and some sorry bastard is going to sneeze I will turn to look and I will probably end up missing how Anakin Skywalker become Darth Vader. I mean why must I have such a short................................ ahh fuck what was I talking about again?? dammit anyway I guess tomorrow I will finally wash my car and get all the crap out of the back seat. Oh yeah short attention span yeah that's what I was talking about I better start keeping notes or something.
Wired Wizard.
Huh were you talking to me ? I must have been ignoring you sorry |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 1:38 AM |
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| A soft Touch |
| Monday, May 30, 2005 |
To all my friends.
There ya bastards I have posted more today than I normally do in a whole freaking week hope you enjoyed it because its 4 am I am tired I have to piss like a 9 dick dinosaur with a bladder problem and here I am typing shit for your amusement but I do it because I care.
Wired Wizard
( talking to fine girl) hate to see you go but I love to watch you leave :) |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 4:15 AM |
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| Money Grows from Printers? |
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I want this for Christmas and it better be foolproof
I am not a greedy person not in the least bit but if there were ever a printer that could spit out perfect 5,10,20,50 and 100 dollar bills and I had one you bet your sweet ass I would be driving a Lamborghini to Wal-Mart. Ok that's kinda white trash of me but I can't deny what I am so there.
But seriously we could all use a little cash from time to time. I just want a sure fire way to counterfeit money so I can pay off my fucking student loan and a few credit cards so my phone will quit ringing because 9 time out of 10 there is a collection agent on the other line ( fucking bastards) asking me when I am going to pay on some debt that's like 9 years old. Most times I answer the phone in a deep Hindu accent ( no I am not Hindi) and say no no you have wrong number this is the Patel residence please do not call here again. Some times it works but I think they are starting to catch on. Lets hope not which reminds me I have to pay my cell phone bill again FUCK. Some one just send me a large amount of cash large bills preferably.
Wired Wizard.
Broke and Poor are just 2 things I am tired of being, White Trash I will forever be. |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 4:03 AM |
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| Where is my 4 Pound Sledge? |
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Show Me the Money
3m Said this pane of glass in unbreakable and whoever broke it could keep the cash. Now I don't mean to brag but I have yet to find an object I couldn't break, been doing it since I was a kid. Now I don't know the specifics on how you had to break the glass but the devil himself couldn't keep me from breaking that bitch somehow. For that much cash I would find a fucking way to say the least. Shit I'm from Brooklyn N.Y. Baby we can break into anything and for that much cash I am willing to bet that the local priest would take a crack at it not to mention a few nuns as well.
Wired Wizard
I am so poor I can't even pay attention |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 3:53 AM |
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Dammit Why Am I able to read the shit dammit dammit dammit
Personally I would rather see what was under the shirt and about a million other dirty things I would like to do. But then again my fiance would probably kill me if I said that out loud or let her read this post. Damn looks like I will have to post other shit instead let's pray I don't get busted shall we :)
Wired Wizard.
I love you honey honest she ment nothing to me. |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 3:47 AM |
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Awesome Book
 I have a good friend of mine named Pariah S. Burke ( Yes that's his real name) and to say he is one of the most intelligent and creative people I know would be a mild understatement. He just published his first book called Adobe Illustrator CS2 @ Work and I could be prouder of him ( yes for once I am not being an asshole about something ) But I just wanted to make everyone aware of his work and give his book a good plug. Even better why don't you go out to your local book store and buy yourself a copy I am sure that would make his day. And once again congratulations to my buddy Pariah.
Links to his Memes List are to the right as always and here is a link where you can purchase his book online. LINK
Wired Wizard
Go read a book for a change it will do you some good I promise |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 3:35 AM |
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| Hammer TIme |
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Home Improvement Is a pain in the ass
 For once I can actually say that the lack of updates was not due to sheer laziness. I have been working on my house little by little painting and adding new light fixtures and rescreening my front porch. I tell you for a lazy bastard such as myself I am amazed as to how much I actually can get done when I put my mind to it.
Now mind you the last few days or so have been tiring to say the least but I am not even half way done yet. I still have wood floors to lay down and other shit to install including a nice 9 foot fucking fish tank as well. Even worse I still have to convert my garage over into a bonus room so I can play video games on a big screen TV whoo hooo. But that's going to be later on and not to mention a huge fucking job ugh this shit I do to make my house look nice. My luck of course this hurricane season will blow my house to the land of fucking Oz or something like that.
Well my ICM's wrote me back as I has suspected but sadly she didn't have all the piss and venom from her last email. She was apologetic and that was a huge fucking let down. I was expecting her to rain down hellfire and brimstone on my sarcastic ass and nothing. I tell some people are unreliable. Other than that I a few more family stories to tell some more Wal-Mart phone calls to post and part 2 on releasing your inner asshole to write up. So unless I get any other people who want to have a battle of the wit's with me my regular posting should begin anew very shortly with all the stupidity insanity and just plain dumb shit you have all come to expect from me. Oh yeah and a new poll as well since you bastards can't seem to figure out how to fucking vote. Wired Wizard. The more you talk the more I want to stick your head in a stump grinder. |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 3:13 AM |
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| Why Won't people Listen? |
| Tuesday, May 24, 2005 |
That About sums it up
Just when I thought it was safe to be myself again I find out that my old faithful Internet Critic's Mom is on the scene now giving me shit when will the madness end? But of course being the Asshole supreme that I am I couldn't resist sharing my misfortune with you all. God some people just really fucking ask for it.
From : Internet critic's mom ( name and address withheld)
Sent : Tuesday, May 24, 2005 2:45 PM
To : WiredWizardz@yahoo.com
Subject : Your are a sick person
Dear sir,
it has come to my attention that you run a website called Florida Black Hole Project in which you write your comments feelings and other filth that you can spew on the internet for your own amusement. My son (name withheld) frequently visits your site for what reason I do not know. He seems to think that you are funny. But Sir you are not funny at all. Your sick plus I have seen the emails that you have sent to my son ( name withheld) as well. How dare you talk to a child that way? My son is only 16 years old and you had no reason to treat him with such disrespect. And to accuse him of whoring my daughter and myself out or that he has sexual intercourse with his sister is disgusting. I am going to forward a letter to all my friends and family to have your Website banned and then I will send it to your ISP as well to have it removed. Your website is distasteful and should be read by no one. Do you think it is funny to ridicule the obese or to suggest that people should take their lives because you dislike them? The way you use profanity as if it were common place is disgusting your disregard for women is deplorable as well. Also the way you bash honest Republicans is a travesty as well you should be thankful that a man like our President Mr. Bush is in office he has done wonderful things and will continue to do so. Our President Mr.Bush is a GOD fearing man and a great President he will go down in history as such. You Sir probably need GOD in your life as well because at the rate at which you are going you will end up in Hell with all the other sinners and never be present in the grace of GOD. Your jokes are distasteful your hatred towards the southern community is distasteful as well. If you hate the South so much you know where I-95 is why don't you use it? The South doesn't want you here.
Mrs.(name withheld) Lets call her ICM Internet Critics mom for short.
Wow now that is fucking mouthful isn't it? Well here is my reply back to my Internet Critics mom. Line by line man I hope she blows a fucking gasket for this.
Well Mrs. ICM first be grateful that I am showing restraint and not posting your name or your email address to begin with I have the right to say what ever I want to be it hurtful funny or just plain strange it's in the constitution of our country. So that means that if I want to masturbate in a puddle of my own feces while reading guns and ammo and saying that the republicans suck while I watch internet porn on my computer ( mind you I do this on Saturday nights Mrs.ICM) Then that is my GOD fucking given right. Now on to your long list of complaints
As for your wonderful son he contacted me first and I warned him not to continue pestering me and when he wouldn't I will admit I got a bit cranky but hey its my nature when people piss me off to let them have both barrels so don't blame me. Second this site was not intended for minors it was not really intended for human consumption but your son for what ever reason decided that he wanted to read. So where may I ask were you at? Obviously not watching your child's browsing habits or else we would not be having this talk right now would we.
You might not find my site funny but that's fine by me. As I have always said if you like what I write that's fine if not that's fine as well no one asked you to read it. Besides there are other sites that you can go to besides pestering me. As for treating your son with disrespect yeah I might have went overboard a bit I will admit that but in my defense he pissed me off so he got what anyone else would have gotten from me for pissing me off. Deal with it move on.
Damn did I touch a nerve with you on the whole incest and whoring thing too? I thought it was pretty damn funny if you ask me but then again your probably so uptight that I could shove a piece of coal up your ass and within minutes have a diamond. They are just words if you took it personally that's your problem I make no apologies for it.
As for you fowarding this to all your friends and family by all means go ahead I bet you I will have some new readers once they realize what a bitch you are. You just love to fight a hopeless cause don't you? Probably a PETA member as well. But do what you want they can bitch and gripe if they like as well won't make a bit of difference I am not going to change the format on this site to satisfy you, and by some remote chance you do manage to have my site taken off my current host ( not ISP you ignorant twat) I will just find another host not a problem what so ever. Do your worst I am like the plague baby I just keep coming back.
Making fun of fatties is funny your probably one as well or else you wouldn't have thrown that in but just to ease your mind fat people are cool I have hidden in the shade of a fat person from time to time it is hot in Florida after all. Besides the majority of fatties make themselves that way I don't pitty them in the least. Disregard for women are you goofy woman? Only women I have disregard for are the ones that piss me off and guess what your on that list now so I would look out if I were you. Also so you know I am engaged and I don't disrespect her or my mom or my aunt or any woman for that matter but if you put yourself in a situation to where your going to be disrespected don't come bitching to me when I call you on your bullshit.
As for our commander in chief the man is a dolt he got us into a war with IRAQ that we didn't need to be in You should remember Vietnam another war we had no business in same situation. If you do a little research you will find that Mr is only interested in his own agenda not the betterment of this country. The Republicans are a bunch of ghouls as well bunch of self serving sons of bitches that they are. I am a proud Democrat so that might have some bias towards what I say but then again I thought that Former President Clinton was the Mack fucking daddy. Then again your probably one of those people who thought he should have been impeached as well. Cunt.
GOD huh well for your information I am a religious person. I prefer not to share my denomination with you since that does not matter but I do have GOD in my life probably not the way you worship him or call him but like I stated I believe in a supreme being so don't throw religion on me. And as for the south fuck you and deal with it. If I want to criticize the south then I will do so you over zealous religious hypocrite. Instead of bothering with bullshit you should be monitoring you son not getting into a personal crusade against me. By the way now that you used up all your 25 cent words you might want to look in the dictionary for a few new ones as well. You trailer park dwelling wal-mart working piece of white trash.
Have a nice day.
Chris Wizard.
P.S. how's your son doing? You know he is my number one fan and wants to sell me his sister for an autographed copy of my shit stained underwear.
Man that woman has probably had 3 heart attacks reading that one. I tell you what if I don't hear back from her soon I will be totally shocked to say the least. But anyway now the gauntlet has been thrown down and I called her bullshit lets see what she has to say next. The waiting game has begun.
Wired Wizard.
Who pissed in your cornflakes this morning? |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 5:29 PM |
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| The time will come |
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I mean it
There is probably a list out there somewhere that has been written of the people we can all do without in our lives but I feel I should add my 2 cents in there somewhere just for posterity
Nasty telemarketers
police officers with huge chips on their shoulders.
Politicians who do things in their best interest not in the interest of the public.
Reality TV and the people who make that shit.
Muslim extremists
Christian extremists ( quite possibly worse than Muslims)
Homeless people who pander on the streets and refuse to get a job.
Greedy corporations who outsourcing the business and take away jobs from Americans
PETA
Metermaids
That condescending prick on the show Worlds wildest police chases
Britney Spears and her loser husbands show Chaotic ( why would anyone one watch that crap also see reality TV)
Hunter Hurst Helmsly That whinny prick from the WWE who if he can't have the title no one can.
Child killers and Child Molesters
racist narrow minded fucks
The U.S. Government for being so damn shaddy backstabbing double talking self interest screwing the middle American family Looking out for the rich sons of bitches.
Jane Fonda for being a cunt
Michael Moore for being a big fat douche bag
President Bush for being a half witted dolt who is only looking out for his best interest
Osama Bin Douche bag Laden for the 9-11 attacks
People who Log off AIM with out saying bye
People who stay in stealth mode on AIM
Right Wing conservatives
Camilla Parker Bowles
NAMBLA (see also child molestors) Thanks to Immortal Lazy Man for that one
Game companies that put out shitty games
Metallica for selling out and selling their souls to corporate greed.
All my Ex's for being cunts.
The driver of the truck that took my grandmothers life.
The dumb ass in the fast lane on the interstate doing 30 mph
Humm guess this list is getting kinda personal huh?
Hurricane season
The heat here in FLA
bad drivers here in FLA
and so on and so on and so on so to all those people mentioned why don't you just go ahead and do us the favor will you just pull the fucking trigger already the world will be a better place with out you.
Wired Wizard
Praise the Lord and Pass the ammunition |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 2:20 AM |
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| No Rest for the Wicked |
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Ol Redneck Ho
Quick Question do you think her mama is proud of her?
Chances are if she is from Polk County where I live not only is this a perfectly fine picture of some rednecks daughter but it's probably hung right over the TV set next to the picture of her stripper mom and toothless dad.
I can see the conversations now.
We are just so proud of our little Bobbie Lee she's the first one to graduate from 9th grade and has a steady job over at the Circle K ( local convince store ) and her boyfriend Bubba only has 5 more months till he's out of prison and they can be a happy family once again.
I just don't get it. Not that she's a bad looking ho mind you ( trust me I have seen worse up at Wal-Mart) but for fucks sake did you have to look like such a piece of trash while showing us the goods?
And because I care here are some redneck jokes just for good measure.
How can you tell a rich redneck from a poor redneck?
The rich redneck has two cars up on blocks in the yard.
Five rednecks drowned in the Ohio river last week. They were trying to dig a basement in the bottom of their houseboat.
Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
How can you tell if a Texas redneck is married?
There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.
How many rednecks does it take to eat a 'possum?
Two. One to eat, and one to watch out for traffic.
Who was the first redneck in the Bible?
Cain because he married his sister.
What does a redneck call hitting a deer at 65 mph?
Fast food.
What do you call the sweat produced when two rednecks are having sex?
Relative humidity.
NASCAR:
Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks
Question: How do you circumcise a redneck?
Answer: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Question: What is the redneck definition of sexual maturity?
Answer: An eight year old girl who can run faster than her brothers.
Question: What's the redneck motto for sexual maturity?
Answer: After eight it's too late.
Question: What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?
Answer: A northern fairy tale begins with, "Once upon a time. . . " A southern fairy tale begins with, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this . . . "
Question: What does a redneck chick say after sex?
Answer: Get off me daddy, your crushing my smokes!
Question: What does a redneck divorce and a tornado have in common?
Answer: One way or the other someone is losing their trailer!
Question: Why do they throw shit on the walls at redneck weddings?
Answer: To keep the flies off the bride!
Question: How long does it takes a redneck to eat road kill?
Answer: It depends on how heavy the traffic is.
Question: What do you call the sight of a plumber under the sink with his pants creeping down, exposing his crack?
Answer: Redneck Cleavage.
Jokes Swiped from this link right here
Well thats my redneck stuff for today.
Wired Wizard.
If a redneck divorces his wife are they still considered brother and sister? |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 1:59 AM |
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| Finish UP already dammit |
| Monday, May 23, 2005 |
Welcome to I-4 the roadway to hell
This is a section of I-4 Nice huh?
I-4 stretches from Orlando all the way to Tampa and I would say about 90% of I-4 looks like this.
Traffic jams accidents shitty looking scenery and nasty looking construction workers.
The irony is that they have posted all along the interstate this nice little sign that says " Speeding Fines Doubled when workers present" and half the times the workers are either sitting around doing nothing or just staring at the traffic as it goes by. Lot of work going on. They should have a new sign put up that says
" Cash given for hitting lazy workers" man I would be a fucking millionaire within a matter of days.
For days on end nothing gets done then a few days here and a few days there you will see sporadic work being done. It mostly gets done at night but then thats when the traffic is worse. Most times night work starts at around 9pm which wouldn't be so bad but thats when people are getting out of the theme parks in Orlando so guess what GRIDLOCK. My fiance works in Orlando and when she has to close her store it takes her roughly 2 hours to get home and the trip is basically only 30 to 35 minutes. To make matters worse the posted speed limit is only 50 mph. Now who the fuck drives at 50 mph on an interstate? Most interstate speeds here are between 65 and 70 mph posted not that anyone drives at those speeds it's normally between 85 and 100 mph just don't get caught. This on going clusterfuck of construction has been going on for a little over 3 years now and it's about time these bastards get on the ball and start doing some fucking work for a change. For every mile of road that is not completed within a certain time frame they should be penalized with a large chunk of their cash taken away from the project. Now I know that most construction workers can't work out in the rain for what ever reason but hey it hasn't rained here that much so far so get those damn orange and yellow striped vests on throw on your fucking hard hats and get to work for fucks sake. People have places to go things to do and people to see and we would like to do it in a timely fashion not at the speed of a snail glued to a fly trap.
Don't even get me started on the construction that is going on in the town that I live in shit it take 30 minutes just to get to the corner store but thats for another day.
BTW there is a link to the left with current I-4 Conditions check it out and you will see what I mean.
Wired Wizard.
We should have a state wide holiday called slap a tourist day that would get things shaken around here. |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 5:22 PM |
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| Childhood memories |
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I knew I shouldn't have left my kids alone with their Uncle Johnny
There is a pretty good chance that this would be the scene if I left my son and nephews over at my brother John's house for any period of time. Not to say that he is bad with kids or anything just a bit absent minded at times. Must be all the drugs and alcohol he has consumed over the years. I can't totally blame him for that if you had to put up with the bitches he had to deal with you would have turned to drugs and alcohol as as well. I just fear for any toddlers safety and sobriety for that matter if they were left in his care thats all. Please don't kill me John hahahahahaha.
Or is this a picture from my childhood it could be the dark haired kid in the back kinda looks like me and the one with the stogie in his mouth facing the camera could pass for John in his younger years ( or is that the beer goggles talking) Oh well I think it's time for me to pass out on the bed since it's late and I am out of pepsi and smokes. It's a fucking tragidy I tell you and the fact that I am lazy and don't want to leave my house at after 2am has nothing to do with it at all, so please by all means fuck off ok.
Now were did I leave that pack of emergency smokes and 2 liter of pepsi hidden?
Wired Wizard.
What the fuck do you mean last call I haven't even begun to drink
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| posted by Wired Wizard @ 2:37 AM |
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| Why God Why |
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Sweet Fuckin Christ
You know you have seen her before the fat ass bitch at the mall wearing a pair of jeans that are 3 sizes to small for her fat ass. To make matters worse the jeans are low cut and you can see her lovely thong that probably put 7 tent makers out of business.
Why for the love of all that is good and right in this world would a fat chick weighing in at a hefty 2 or 300 lbs subject society to such an utter display of just flat out fucking gross. Women of these dimensions should not be allowed in public with clothing that a woman who weighs 100lbs or less, it's just too disturbing to me not to mention the psychological trauma that such a sight causes to the male libido.
Now if a skinny chick wants to ware something like that by all means let it all hang out just don't do it in a mall or shopping center there is a time and a place you fucking HO. But if your a 5'5 300lbs fat ass trying to squeeze into jeans that you wore in highschool it isn't going to work big is not beautyfull it is nasty and not to mention unheathy so put down the bon bon's drop the double chocolate cake get your face out of the bag of doritos but down the slab of ribs and sauce and waddle your fat ass out of the mall and into a fucking gym you sloth. And I know there are a few guys out there snickering saying yeah fat ass into the gym with you. Well quit laughing plubmers crack is not in style either. You fat fucks that are sitting at all you can eat buffets or downing 9 dozen chicken wings in a sitting while watching the game get the fuck up off the couch your no better. Get out there and play the game of football instead of being an armchair athelete.
Ok thats enough picking on fat asses for today. or is it?
10 signs that your a fat ass.
10. All the tags on your shrits include 3 or more X's in the size.
9. You can't drive anything smaller than a Suburban or Excursion with out crippling the suspension.
8. Your idea of competition is competitive eating contensts in which you always come in first place.
7. You have to get weighed at weighing stations along the interstate when traveling to insure road saftey.
6. Your idea of exercise inclues trips to the fridge and the shitter then repeate
5. A full sized couch is a love seat to you.
4 . You consider a 7 course meal an appitizer till the main event.
3. All you can eat resturants cringe at the sight of you entering their establishments.
2. You haven't seen your feet in over 10 years or more.
and the number one sign that your a fat ass
1. you went the the beach and it was scientificly proven that your the casue of the Asian Tsunami.
Wired Wizard
Hey you going to eat that ? |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 12:17 AM |
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| More Cut and Paste Jokes |
| Friday, May 20, 2005 |
My Ideal woman when I was about 5 years old isn't she just adorable? By now you all know that I love the miracles of Cut and Paste so with out further BS I will just get to the good stuff.
My buddy Carl from over at Sunshine blasters decided to send in some jokes for me to post here ahhh it's good to have other people do your work for you but anyway here are the jokes.
What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
What does a gay man and an ambulance have in common? They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!
A guy is walking down the street and enters a clock and watch shop. While looking around, he notices a drop dead gorgeous male clerk behind the counter. He walks up to the counter where he is standing, unzips his pants, and places his dick on the counter. "What are you doing, sir?", he asks. "This is a clock-shop!!" He replied, "I know it is. And I would like 2 hands and a face put on THIS!!"
The gay man had come to have a tooth extracted. The dentist approached him with a hypodermic and said, "you might feel a little prick in your mouth at first." The patient smiled and said, "thank you".
What's the difference between a fag and a microwave? A microwave won't brown your meat.
The Parrot
A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot. "What about this one, Madam? A beautifulbird, I'm sure you'll agree, and it's an absolute steal at only £20."
"Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks.
"Well," replies the assistant, "it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity."
"Oh, I don't mind that," said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot".
So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home. Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman "Fuck me, a fucking new brothel and a fucking new madam."
"I'm not a madam and this isn't a brothel," says the woman indignantly, but she sees the funny side and let's it drop.
A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home. "A new brothel, a new madam, and now new fucking prostitutes" says the parrot whenhe sees the daughters.
"Mum, tell your parrot to shut-up, we're not prostitutes" complain the girls, but they all see the funny side and have at laugh at their filthy newpet.
A short while later, the woman's husband comes home.
"Well fuck me, a new brothel, a new madam, new fucking whores, but the same old clients. How ya doin', Dave?" says the parrot.
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud-hole and begins to sink. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud-hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and backs the car up, saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud-hole. The chicken yelled to te horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can straddle the mud-hole!" So he stretched over the width of it and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety. The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
How do you get four gay men to sit on one bar stool? Turn it upside down!
Voodoo Dick
There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing,nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoodick.'" "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he wasgone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how toshut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea, right... Voodoo Dick, my ass!"
Two condoms are walking past a gay bar one turns to the other and says "You wanna go in there and get shitfaced?"
Why did the condom fly across the room? It got pissed off.
What do sprouts and pubes have in common? You push them both aside while you're eating.
Four guys get off of work at the steel plant and are setting around a table at the local bar. One of them excuses him self to go to the bathroom. The other three set at the table talking. The first tells the others that he feared his son was going to be a failure because he started off washing cars at dealership. Someone asked him about a car he was washing, and decided to buy it. The sales manager promoted him to salesman, and he was so good at it he soon bought his own place, in fact, he has been so successful, he gave his best friend a new Mercedes for his birthday! The second guy told them that his son had started out as the mail boy at a brokerage house, and that he too had gotten a big break. He went on to start a brokerage firm of his own, and had done so well that he gave his best friend a million dollar stock portfolio for his birthday.
The third guy told them that his son had started off doing yard work for a real-estate company, and he too got a lucky break and had made a fortune. He was doing so well he gave his best friend a beautiful new home for his birthday. The other guy came back from the men's room and asked what they had been talking about. They told him that they had been discussing how well their sons had turned out. He hung his head and told them that his son had become a MAJOR embarrassment. He became a hair stylist right after high school, and after many years had the same job. In fact, I just found out that he was gay and had several lovers. I try to look at the bright side though, he just had a birthday and his lovers gave him a new Mercedes, a beautiful new home and a million dollar stock portfolio!
What's long, hard and full of semen? A submarine
A woman walks into a supermarket and buys:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 litre of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single serving frozen dinner
1 can of Soup For One
1 750ml bottle of wine
The bloke at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single, are you?"
The woman smiles sweetly and replies, "How did you guess?"
He replies, "Because you're f*cking ugly."
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to
go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honour, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honour. I drew two circles and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd boy)
"Well, your honour, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"
"Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles) I said (pointing to small circle) this is your asshole before prison...
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home.
As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you give me a blow job?"
Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asks grinning at her.
“No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
"No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
"No, no. I just can't"
"I'm begging you ... "
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says,"Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can come down herself and do it. But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom!
Well thats a pretty long read so enjoy the jokes and have fun and once again thanks to Carl for sending those in.
Wired Wizard
Pussy taste great less filling |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 5:43 PM |
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| The Return of Cut and Paste Jokes. |
| Wednesday, May 18, 2005 |
Ever Have one of these days??
 Click on the pic so you can see what I mean.
Anyway back by popular demand the return of cut and paste jokes. My friend Hanna from Finland sent in a few good ones so I figured that I would share these with you so here there are enjoy.
You are so sexy when you have a hang
over...
Great fart! Let me hear another one!
I rather watch football and drink beer with you
than go shopping.
Lets go to the mall and you can watch women behinds!
Honey, the daughter of our new neighbour is getting a
suntan again, come see!
Do me a favor and forget the valentines day
and buy your self some golfclubs...
I understand, our wedding anniversary comes every
year. You go ahead hunting with boys, it releases stress...
I will not give you head unless you come all the
way...
You wanna have sex with me and my hot friend. I am
ok with that!
of course I will pay!
I don't need any new clothes, I have plenty
already.
I just changed the tail pipe and oils from our
car.
You don't have to come to see my relatives, I go
alone.
I understand, no need to explain.
I can.
You were really late out with your friends. I am
glad that you had fun!
Women needs to stay home,
you say what ever you
want!
Look what I brought from the store. New Sarah Young
Porn video!
go ahead, drink. You want me to bring you a beer or
shall I make you a drink?
Take money from my wallet, so your friends don't
have to buy you drinks.
This christmas I will not invite mom
over!
Shall we buy new car or a motorboat?
After I go and get you a beer, I will blow you, no
matter what!
( ahhh if only women were like this one can always dream)
A nice tounge twister
"Three witches watch three Swatch watches. Which witch watch which Swatch
watch?"
Say that one 3 times fast.
And now for some more copy and paste nonsense
Rocket Scientist
Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity.
The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains.
Arrangements were made.
But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.
The horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.
NASA's response was just one sentence,
"Thaw the chicken."
Know Your Hangover
One-star hangover
* No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap, which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 soft drinks and still feel this way. Even vegetarians are craving a cheeseburger and a side of fries.
Two-star hangover ** No pain. Something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler. The coffee you chug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a fresh and fruity pancake breakfast. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels and even though you have a nice demeanor about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is surfing the Internet and writing junk e-mails.
Three-star hangover
*** Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely a space shot and so not productive. Anytime a girl/guy walks by, you gag because her/his perfume/BO reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 3:45am. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a litre of Coke watching Good Morning Australia with crater face. You've had four cups of coffee, a jug of water, two sausage rolls and a litre of Diet Coke - yet you haven't peed once.
Four-star hangover
**** Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars), your teeth are brown, your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Revere High, '76. You would walk over your mother for one or all of the following:1. The clock to strike 6pm.2. The entire appetiser list from Smorgy's.3. A time machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before.
Five-star hangover (aka Dante's 4th Circle of Hell).
***** You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. You'd cry, but that would take the last of the moisture left in your body. Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is bitch about your state - which is a mystery to you because you definitely don't remember who you were with, where you were and what you drank. The only thing you can do is pass out. It's when you wake up a few hours later with a lesser-star hangover that you eat a large pizza, a ham and cheese omelette and a batch of Rice Krispie treats.
And Finally
Now Zen, Now Zen . . . .
Here are some philosophical musings...
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tyre.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. No one is listening until you break wind.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
14. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
19. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Wired Wizard.
Most animals eat their young how you survived childhood is a mystery. |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 5:44 PM |
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| Splat splat cause it goes like dat |
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HOLY SHIT THAT'S A PAINTBALL GUN
My buddy Carl Has started his own web based business recently and I have to admit I am very impressed. Where as I sit here and wite mindless dribble he is doing something useful with his PC and internet connectiong well besides internet porn that is but thats not that point look at that damn gun is that sweet or what? Not to mention they have replicas of other guns as well. The paint ball scene has come a long way since the early days of pvc plastic paint ball guns. Anyways give Carl some love and check out his website and do him one better buy some products as well that will put a smile on his face. Now get going get on outta here ya bastards. Link to Sunshine Blasters
Wired Wizard.
It's all fun and games till someone gets hurt...... then it's fucking hillarious |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 5:19 PM |
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| 2 New Sites |
| Tuesday, May 17, 2005 |
Since I am not able to STFU and I always have shite to say I decided to open up 2 new blogs.
Black Hole Wrestling and Black Hole games.
This way when I have something to say about wrestling or video games they won't take up the stupidity that I write here. The links are to your right plus a few other links to places I like to go when I get bored or have nothing in particular to write about.
In other news it is a nice rainy night here in central Florida my yard is flooded and if it keeps up I plan on building an ark in case of an emergency. You wouldn't happen to know where I can get some cedar would you? and where the hell is this Noah dude when I need an ark built. Not that being below sea level is any need to worry mind you or that fact that the entire state of Florida is sitting on coral nooooo humm I wonder if I can get a big enough boat to carry the neccassary things I will be needing on my trip you know the essentials potatoe chips soad video games DVDs to watch and an internet connection hummm going to have to look into that before my house floats away.
Wired Wizard.
Row row row your ark swiftly down the street get out the way is what I'll say as your all kicking your feet. |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 9:26 PM |
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| New and Improved Asshole |
| Monday, May 16, 2005 |
Slurp slurp ack ack slurp suck suck ahhh
The Asshole guide for Beginners Part 1
Now I have been known to be an asshole from time to time thats nothing new but even an old dog can learn some new tricks.
I have compiled a few new tactics some might seem far fetched other just flat out insane but all are worth a try.
This will be an ongoing project for people wanting to unleash their inner asshole so read on.
Asshole in the Workplace.
The workplace is supposed to be full of professionals but most professionals are stuffy stuck up jerks so we shall begin here with ways to be an utter asshole.
1. senario: The secretary who gets a new boob job
Solution: Stare at her new bolt ons for at least a good 3 to 4 minutes never make eye contact when she finaly asks what you are looking at say in a loud enough voice " DAMN WOMAN THOSE ARE SOME HUGE ASS TITTIES HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY FOR THOSE BABIES" turn around and calmly walk away.
2 Senario: The Know it all do nothing boss or supervisor.
Solution: most people in higher positions love nothing more than to pile their work on your desk they call it delegation I call it passing the buck. This normally on a Friday that said supervisor or boss will pile all the shit he or she didn't do durring the week and then expects you to do on your personal time at home for them. Well to counter such nonsense there are 2 ways to do this right around 4:50 leave your cubicle, desk, office, station where ever and hide in the bathroom with all your personal belongings. Make sure to log off your computer if it applies to you. At 5 pm leave via the stairs and avoid the elevator. Or the other method would be to stick around and say yeah sure I will do it. Then take the stack of paperwork that has been placed in your care and leave it at your desk all weekend. Monday morning make sure to arrive at work at least 30 minutes early and walk into your Boss' boss' office ( bit of a tounge twister) drop the stack on his desk and say look what so and so left on my desk Friday afternoon because he said he had an important business meeting. ( make sure to get pictures of the douche bag playing golf or at a club drunk off his ass fondling the waitress give evidence to boss send pics to wife as well) and then return to your station and wait for the fire works.
3 Senario: the jerk who takes your parking space every day.
Solution: Get to work at least an hour early plant spike strips in your parking space then leave to get some coffe at favorite spot. Take your time enjoy the moring. Then return to work as the selfish bastard is having his car put up on the tow truck with 4 flat tires that will learn the bastard. Repeat as necessary.
4 Senario: Work more with less management mentality type.
Solution: these people are a breed of bottom feeders all their own they have tranceded asshole and have secured their place in hell. To deal with them make sure to fail every goal they present to you when they fire you make sure to sue them not only will management lose their job but you will be personally vindicated.
5 Senario: the bitch that won't shut the fuck up (STFU)
Solution: I love to tell people to STFU it's in my nature but you know there is at least 1 bitch at work that won't shut the hell up to save his or her life. Either on their cell phones or just yapping away durring their lunch hour or by the water cooler.
Grab some super glue and place it in their lipstick that should shut that bitch up if it's a guy a swift kick in the balls will ensure some silence and some good laughs for all.
6 Senario: The office slut that will fuck everyone but you.
Solution: Find out who this whore is after in terms of a romp in the sack. Then start sending little love notes from said person to whet her appitie for whoring. Then send Flowers this will get her ultra anxious. Lastly tell her to meet in a secluded area of the building such as broom closet or bathroom with the lights off. Proceed to have your way with her do every nasty thing you can think of ( tea bagging, Dirty Sanchez ect ect) make sure you video tape it but don't have your face caught on camera. Blow a load on her face make sure to get some hin her hair as well. ( Cum is difficult to get out ) Then leave while she is getting dressed. Play video tape at mandatory meeting chances are she will get fired on the spot if not she will be banished to the mail room or something where she will never be seen again.
7 Senario: The male whore
Solution: first get some tips from the lucky bastard pick up a few traits then start spreading a rummor around the office that not only is mister gigalo married but has a sexually transmitted disease or you can spread the fact that the guy is actually gay either way works he will soon be a pariah.
8 Senario: The late superivsor who jumps your shit for being 1 minute late to work.
Solution: this asshole has a holier than thou attitued and we can't have that now can we. Not only that he normally shows up late 3 0r 4 times a week but constantly busts your chops.
Plant about 2 or 3 pounds of cocaine or pot crack what ever drug you can think of in his car. Add a few guns and pics of alternative pornagraphy in said car. Right before he leaves for work call the police and make an annonomous tip. Make sure his boss finds out about said altercation. Wait for promotion.
Well thats all for the office that I can think of for now but I will update this little by little if I remember
Wired Wizard.
Oh My God thats you smelling like that |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 3:07 PM |
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| Aren't You hungry? |
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Got Meat?
Everyone has the right to voice their opion there is nothing wrong with that. But when they get in your face screaming and hollering at you because your eating meat there is just something so fundamentaly wrong with that. So if your a salad eating, soy milk drinking, PETA supporting better than you attitued having self rightoues propaganda spewing son of a bitch stick around cause I am going to insult you big time. Little fucking panzies.......
Now if your a vegitarian ( pussy) because it's your choice ( Mindless sheep) and you feel that animals should not be a food source ( ummmmm bacon drool) thats fine thats your choice. Or you had a bad experiance with a chunck of liver ( 90 % of Americans ) thats fine. But don't go rushing me with picket signs after I just had a burger at the local McDonalds.
Lets face it by genetics we are carnivores.
Our ancestors who lived in caves ate meat, The Egytians ate meat the Romans ate Meat ect ect ect get the picture. Now there is nothing wrong with vegitables nothing at all. But thats a side dish for the most part not the main meal. Now a nice 14 oz NY strip or a rack of barbecued ribs thats a main course. Pork Chops in apple sauce or Herb roasted Chicken hook me up a plate. Lettuce and tomatoes not a main course, Corn, potatoes ( mashed, baked, rosted) asparagus not main dishes do you see a pattern devolping?
Now This PETA organization has been linked to bombings and domestic terrorisim against the Meat industry isn't that a fucker. Are you going to tell me some whack ball who has a vegie fetish is going to tell me what I can or can't eat. FUCK YOU
BEEF IT's WHATS FOR DINNER MOTHER FUCKER. Throw in some pork chops and come broiled Chicken thank you very much. We are at the top of the food chain ( provided we are not in an ocean full of sharks paddling for our life) for a reason not becasue we eat sprouts by God. Now like I said there is nothing wrong with vegies hell they make great side dishes but these wackos are just out there. For some information about PETA go to
http://www.petakillsanimals.com/
It's worth a read to say the least. Personally I think we meat eaters should storm the PETA head quarters and kick every last one of them out on their arses bring them to a nice all you can eat buffet and force feed them beef pork chicken and fish. Then change the PETA slogan from People for the ethical treatment of Animals to People Eating Tasty Animals.
There are too many bandwaggons to many self rightous holier than thou hypocrites and media whores.
And what the fuck is the deal with SOY? I just thought the stuff was for making Soy sauce whoa silly me I guess. They make damn near every and anything out of it. Even Milk ewww trust me when I say it's like drinking drain cleaner, at least the glass I tried to force down my throat that is.
Now I know that eating a slab of beef drenced in grease isn't the most healthy thing and yeah vegies are full of vitamins and good stuff like that but hey you just can't beat genetics when it comes to food and I say bring on the the MEAT. oh and FUCK PETA yeah thats right......
Wired Wizard
I heard of acting stupid but your just taking it too damn far.
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| posted by Wired Wizard @ 2:28 PM |
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| Ahhhh Brain Rot |
| Thursday, May 12, 2005 |
There is no surprise that I am a video game fanatic none what so ever but with the temptation of new systems in the air I just can't help but wonder what First generation games on these new systems are going to look like.
Will the graphics be a vast improvement or will we have to wait for second genaration games to seen any noticable difference ahhh the suspence.
What will games like Metal Gear Solid or Grand Tourismo and dare I say it Grand Theft Auto look like on these new consoles? It's enough to drive a person mad just thinking about it.
XBox 2 ( aka the hexbox)
Anyway I came across the first issue of Official Xbox magazine dated 2001 and its funny how so many things didn't pan out for Microsoft with there so called Uber console. They didn't dominate the industry as they had hoped the games were lackluster at best and the few breakout titles that did shine brightly on the box have faded into obscurity. Ok ok for all you Halo fan boys out there yes it's a stand out big whoop. Now mind you I have all 3 major consoles and each has their weaknesses and their strenght. Sadly the box just didn't have the software it's a shame really becasue properly implemented the system could have dominated. So what will Xbox 2 ( or what ever they call it) have in store for us only time will tell. Will they be able to dethrone Sony and the Might PS3? maybe.
Nintendo Revolution.
That is the moniker that the new system by Nintendo will be sporting. Humm revolution huh?
Well lets see ever since the 16 bit era poor Nintendo has just tripped over their own feet time and time again. The Nintendo 64 while a good system could not beat it's CD based compitition namely Sony let us not forget that Virtual Boy disaster. While the Gameboy has been able to keep the big N as a competitor sadly the Gamecube just didn't have the software to back up the hardware. No one is denying that Nintendo can't make a good game not at all they just have such high control standards on certain things that they stifle creativity. And whats with those mini coasters ugh why the propriatary disk? shessh I lose those damn things in plain site. Lets hope the Big N can pull one out with this new system and shut all the nay sayers up once and for all.
PS3
Am I a Sony fan? yup you bet
Why you may ask when the2 aforementioned systems are supposed to be superior?
One reason selection.
Ok so the ps2 is underpowered in terms of processor speed, it didn't come internet ready out of the box and there was no hard drive built in. But the selection of games can't be denied.
GTA is a prime example of this. It was out on the PS2 first then PC then XBox ( sorry no Nintendo port) Now granted first doesn't always mean best but hey faster processor doesn't equal better games either.
And now with PS3 on the gaming radar I wonder will Sony once again be the one to beat?
Plus now with their hand held PSP what does that do for Nintendo's handheld market?
the suspense is killing me to find out.
But needless to say as screen shots start filtering on the internet and specs become more defined only time will tell who will dominate the brain rotting video game market and I for one couldn't be happier.
Wired Wizard.
If I throw a stick will you go away |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 1:11 AM |
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| Sunday, May 08, 2005 |
Not a total Asshole
Wired Wizard |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 1:49 AM |
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| Happy Mother's Day to all Mom's |
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Happy Mothers Day
A mother's love determines howWe love ourselves and others.There is no sky we'll ever seeNot lit by that first love.
Stripped of love, the universeWould drive us mad with pain;But we are born into a worldThat greets our cries with joy.
How much I owe you for the kissThat told me who I was!The greatest gift--a love of life--Lay laughing in your eyes.
Because of you my world still hasThe soft grace of your smile;And every wind of fortune bearsThe scent of your caress.
By Turlough O'Carolan.
Come on you didn't think I was that creative did you ?
Anyway to all mom's out there Happy Mothers Day to you all.
Wired Wizard.
Mom can we get some ice cream please :) |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 1:43 AM |
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| You gotta have these to mess with me |
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100% baby
By now most of you who read this site ( all 3 of you thanks mom and dad ) know that I have no problems telling people where to go when to shut the fuck up (STFU) or just when the hell to leave me alone. But some people just don't know when to fucking quit.
My internet critic is back at it again now he is mail bombing my inbox how 90's ahhh thank god for mail filters. But I digress and I was patient and I had lots of self restraint, but the time comes in a persons life where you just have to be an asshole so with out further adieu here are a few lines of wisdom insanity and just plain stupidity from my Internet Critic.
Internet Critic: Well I guess you ran out of things to say on your shitty site I knew that you would stupid people normally run out of smart ass comments to say.
Wired Wizard: me run out of things to say are you daffy or something. I just don't feel the need to update on a daily weekly or even monthly basis I have other things to do like watch paint dry or watch the grass grow. Come on dipshit Think about it I have said it once I have said it oh about a fucking trillion times I do this for my own amusement not yours get it in that thick head of yours.
I.C. Oh and as for me living in a trailer or fucking my own sister and the other sick shit you said FUCK YOU. You don't know me or my family and I don't live in a Trailer I have an apartment in Atlanta thank you very much plus I am college educated as well so don't talk shit about me or my family or I will kick your sorry ass.
W.W. ouch did I hit a nerve with that whole incest thing? Must have hahahahaha loser. Big whoop dee doo you live in Atlanta probably in a run down apartment on the outskirts of Atlanta more like it where you deal crack and pcp to the neighborhood kids. Your probably pimping your sister and your mom out on the corner as well you putz and as for a college degree what did you get it in dishwashing? Wife beating? Begging? I doubt it was in anything useful that's for sure probably a general degree in BULLSHIT yeah that sounds about right. Oh and as for kicking my ass better pack a lunch buddy because that would take you all day to even try. Last ass beating I took was when I was 12 and I will be dammed if you think your going to be the next one to do it so nya nya nya you dumb bastard.
I.C. I just don't understand why you have to be such a dick all I wanted was to be friends or something since we have a lot in common like video games and metal music. Is that so bad to want to be friends with somebody? No you had to be a dick head and make fun of me.
W.W. Hummm friends huh let me think about ahhhh no I have enough friends and thankfully I can count them on one hand and that's all I need. But I appreciate the offer NOT. Look dude like I have said if you like my shit that's cool if you don't like my shit thats cool too but if you email me with crap then I am going to embarrass you on way or another you should have been able to tell that from the start but no you just kept on and on and on. I mean really did you think trying to mailbomb my inbox would get you in my good graces? As for having things in common with me welcome to the new millennium doofus. About half a million people have the same interests I do.
( here is where I start calling him on his bullshit.)
I.C. I mean damn there is no need to be enemies or anything I am just a 16 year old kid who thinks that your funny but if your going to be a dick that fuck you.
W.W. odd didn't you just say that your were college educated and had an apartment in Atlanta? not many 16 year old I know have accomplished that incredible feat not by a long shot.
Oh so I am back to being funny again huh well thats nice. Make up your damn mind already I mean Christ almighty do I suck am I cool what not that it matters but your to indecisive.
After that he goes on and on with more B.S. that contradicts himself I don't get it oh well no biggie. The one cool thing he did say I will quote.
I.C. that stuff you said about GTA is all good man I mean yeah I have played the game but I don't think for a minute that I would try to act out something like that people have a right to live and not worry about being assaulted. But GTA is a game and all these people saying it's a murder simulator is just crazy. I like the way you defend gamers and the industry by speaking your mind that is just way cool. Video games are a form of entertainment just like movies or music but like you said these people need a scape goat instead of putting the blame on negligent parents.
W.W. does that mean your not going to kick my ass? ROTFLMAO.
anyway kiddo there you got your 15 minutes of fame on my site leave well enough alone. Your mail bombs won't work your bitching won't help and calling me a dick doesn't get you on my good side either.
I have caught your ass in about 4 or 5 lies plus contradictions so just give it a rest. If you want to email legitimate shit or jokes fine just don't come off like a jerk off and I won't post how much of a jerkoff you are plain and simple.
Well thats that lets hope this nonsense will stop because I really get tired of putting this kid in the spotlight on my site I mean hell this site is about me me me me me me me me me oh and other shit not some goofy kid who wants to read my babbling. BTY if your only 16 WTF are you doing reading my site. This stuff was never meant for minors shouldn't you be on like Nickelodeon.com or something humm where are you parents young man. Well thats that lets hope I have some other stuff to say in the near future till then don't sniff farts in an elevator.
Wired Wizard.
People are allowed to be stupid sometimes but you are abusing the privledge |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 12:54 AM |
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