| In The News |
|
. |
| Work Safe |
|
|
| NSFW |
|
|
| Today In History |
|
|
| Quote Of The Day |
|
|
|
| High School Daze |
| Wednesday, April 27, 2005 |
You talking To ME?
I had a good friend in High School named Kevin Harper. Now there wasn't anything overly unique about Kevin other than the fact that he loved to play practical jokes on people. His most famous one would be about his dad. A group of us would find some unsuspecting victim and tell them that Kevin's dad was an olympic Runner and had won in the gold in the 1984 Olympics. Here is where the joke came in the victim would walk over to Kevin who of course was in on the joke and say something like " I heard that your dad won the olympic gold for running" Kevin would look at the person as straight faced as possible and just say " Man that's not fucking funny my dad ain't got no damn legs" of course the poor sap would begin appologizing left and right while we laughed ourselves stupid in a corner somewhere. But there were many other examples as well such as I heard your dad was an olympic swimmer or weight lifter or a famous basketball player all of them were priceless to say the least. Ahh high school ummm what I can remember of it for the most part that is. It's mainly a haze I really don't know why (bullshit)
Another friend of mine Vance would do the fall, he would walk through the hallway and for no apparent reason trip over himslef and land on the ground. This was a funny sight to see considering that Vance was like 6 feet tall and as skinny as a rail. He would just get back up and walk off as if nothing had happend while people were just looking at him wondering what the hell just happened.
Then there was the smokers chain.
There was a group of us that would sit outside the lunch room after we had inhaled our food and would haul ass outside to get a smoke in before the next class. Well here was the problem smoking wasn't allowed on school grounds so we had to find creative ways to pull off this act of defiance. We would sit at the very end of the patio in a long row about 8 of us and the person at the far end would light a cig and pass it down. By the time it reached the other end another was lit. Since there was no way that you could all smoke at the same time, and to hide the smoke we would just blow it into our shirts. Granted we all smelled like dirty ashtrays after the fact but we never got caught ahhh the inventiveness of the teenage mind.
On a totaly unrelated note
My Internet critic has once again written me to curse me out and call me all kinds of names and how much I suck I will have to refrain from posting it so maybe he won't have so much attention drawn to him and possibly leave me the hell alone if not I will have to repost his ignorance for my amusement.
Wired Wizard.
Your village called they are missing their idiot. |
posted by Wired Wizard @ 8:22 PM   |
|
|
|
| I never have a battle of the witts with an unarmed person |
| Sunday, April 17, 2005 |
Listen to the wisdom of the Jedi My Son
A fool and his Ideas are soon spotted. Well I recieved yet another email from my own personal critic today and man the guy won't quit... Kind of amusing to me though.
As I was going through my mail today I came across this lovely jem from the same jerkoff who was criticizing me the other day. I will once again post the highlights.
Email critic:Man your a dick all I did was ask a simple question as to why you weren't posting on your site and you have to make me look like a jerk
Wired Wizard: Well yes and no. you see I could have included your email address and your name if I realy wanted to but I didn't.
E.C. All I wanted to know was when you were going to post again thats all there was no need to pick on me for that? I mean that was just childish of you.
W.W. Sure there is if my friends and family have to take my abuse so do you, your no different than anyone else and if your going to try to make me post more for your personal amusement you went about it the wrong way. As for being childish well fucking duh half the shit I write is toilet humor dirty jokes insults and rants that I go on when they piss me off. What the hell were you expecting.
E.C. anyway I am going to quit reading your stupid site anyway because your not that funny and you probably have some 9th grade education anyway seeing how you can't spell to save your life.
W.W. Thats funny just yesterday you were prasing my site on how funny it was and the rest of your email which I didn't post you would have sworn you wanted to have my children the way you were talking. So make up your mind if I suck thats fine if my shit is cool thats fine as well I don't do it to please you or anyone one for that matter I do it as a release and if people find it funny so be it I am glad but I am not doing it for anyone's particular amusement. Oh as for my education I am a college graduate thank you very much so yes I am educated unlike your GED education that you probably sport on the wooden pannel walls of your trailer which are right next to your restraining orders and certificate of divorce. So how was your sister in the sack.
E.C. I know your probably going to post this email on your crummy site as well and try to make me look like a bigger fool but I don't care I hope you rot in hell or something or at least get hit by a car. It's people like you who have websites and feel that they can say what ever they want online since they are hidding behind a monitor.
W.W. Humm hidding huh well for your information I am not hidding from jack shit second I have the contitutional right to say what ever the fuck I want to. If I wanted to post the word fuck a thousand times I will if I want to say your an asshole I will but to just tell me that you hope I rot in hell or die man thats just plain fucking wrong you have issuse my friend serious ones. Get some help quit having threesomes with your mom and your sister quit playing mister big and tough it doesn't work. I don't feel threatened by you in the least bit. So go play in traffic durring rush hour and do us all a favor.
The rest of the email repeats how much my site sucks and how I suck and probably have to sell crack or some stupid shit like that. Rather amusing to say the least. But chances are I am going to get another email with in the next day or two because no matter how much this guy thinks I suck he is going to read this post out of curiosity I am willing to bet. Well to everyone else have a good one to my critic hope your sister bought some anal lube for ya there big guy hahahahahaha.
Wired Wizard
Thats funny I don't remember giving a shit about what you think. |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 12:24 AM |
|
|
|
| More Tips From Your Uncle Wizard |
| Friday, April 15, 2005 |
Tip Of The Day
I don't have to be a total jerk all the time there are times when I like to give as well. Of course recieving is so much better oh like a new PSP or some new Video games or a nice blow job I love to recieve those but like I said on occasion I like to give back something. And what do you get from me????? Windows Tips ha you scrubby fuck thats all you get now be greateful I don't cornhole you mom while you watch so with out further delay here are the tips of the day... Hey I made a rhyme I am poet and didn't even know it. ummm yeah anyway
Deleting stuff fast
The more flexible method of bypassing the recycling bin is to simply hold SHIFT while you delete your selected item(s). Such as files or folders .This will prompt you to choose whether you want to permanently delete the item(s) or not. Simply click "yes" and the action will be completed.
Another Mouse tip
To use you mouse to navigate back and fourth between pages instead of the buttons:
Hold down the Shift button on your keyboard
Scroll the wheel on your mouse up to navigate forward one page
Scroll the wheen on your mouse down to navigate back one page
All of the above tips require a mouse with a scroll wheel.
This last one takes a bit more skill or the ability to read directions your choice. This is for removing windows messenger not MSN messenger keep that in mind.
Note: This is for WINDOWS Messenger, not MSN Messenger
On XP Systems without SP1:
Click Start / Run Then type the following:RunDll32 advpack.dll,LaunchINFSection %windir%\INF\msmsgs.inf,BLC.RemovePress ENTERRestart Windows
On XP Systems WITH SP 1:
Control PanelAdd / Remove ProgramsClick on "Add/Remove Windows Components" on the leftUNcheck "Windows Messenger"Click "NEXT"Click "Finish"Reboot
NOTE: the second method does not work on every system - you may still need to use the first method
well there are you tips for today I might post some more up I might not deal with it. And yeah I am still pissed about that email so there.
Wired Wizard.
The lottery is like a multiple choice test you can't study for and the chances of passing are really slim.
|
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 3:05 PM |
|
|
|
| STFU |
|
Got a problem with it?
I got a nasty little email the other day obviously someone thinks I should sit at my computer every single day and come up with amusing shit for them to read. Now I never claimed to have an exciting life nor do I claim to always have something to say but damn if your life is revolving around what I have to say, you need to seek some professional help. Here is a quote from said email.
" Dude you site is pretty damn cool but what's up with the lack of updates. I check it pretty often and when I notice that there are no updates it makes me pretty pissed off. What's the deal you write some funny shit and then go like 3 weeks without a single post. Keep that up and I will just quit reading your stuff and find some other site to read."
Man if anyone is hanging on my every word you got some issues to deal with. Ok on occasion I might write something remotely humorous on others its just what's bugging me that day or something I read on one of the many websites I visit catches my eye and I comment on it. Hell I have even begun reviewing games ( only after I beat them of course) But give me a break even I have a reasonable facsimile of a life let me live it. Don't send me stupid mail just because I haven't posted in a while. Go outside and do something or if not play a video game or in most cases go get you fucking GED or better yet why don't you create your own blog or website so you will have something to do other than pester me with trivial bullshit. Here is another wonderful clip from the same email.
" also not to be a critic but what's up with your spelling is it that you don't know how to spell or something"
Ahhh fuck you. I know how to spell and I don't have to explain myself to you or anyone else for that matter. So in closing do not piss me off or next time I won't be so damn nice. Be grateful I withheld your Email address.
Well that was my day how's yours?
Wired Wizard
Stupid is as stupid does but your just a fucking moron.
|
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 2:44 PM |
|
|
|
| You have awakened the sleeping Dragon |
| Saturday, April 09, 2005 |
The Master Of Mom FU
There is a secret ancient martial art that few know about it is called MOM FU. This dangerous art is one of the oldest in the history of the martial arts. My mom is a 10th level master of this form of martial arts. Now unlike other styles Mom Fu is only effective ones the practicioner is asleep, a deep and sound sleep. Upon awakening the practicioner is when Mom Fu is most dangerous. Upon being awoken wild punches and kicks are thrown to the unsuspecting victim also any object can become a weapon to a practicioner of Mom Fu rendering her opponent unconcious. How do I know this??????????? well I have been attacked by a master of Mom Fu my mom. I had to wake her up from a sound sleep and almost had my ass kicked by a half asleep semi senior citizen. Its rather embarrassing but it happens.
My mom normaly lays down with my son to get him to sleep every so often and I have to brave the horrors of trying to wake her up after she has been in my sons room for an hour or so. Its actually kinda funny, she throws her arms up wildly in the air shaking her head and kicking her feet. I might have to video that one day for shits and giggles. So be warned your mom might be a master of the ancient art of Mom Fu as well and you don't even know it at least not yet..
Wired Wizard.
Why don't you go play in on comming traffic or something will you? |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 11:39 PM |
|
|
|
| White Trash Auto Repairs |
| Tuesday, April 05, 2005 |
Fix Your Car Mister?
I have a 1998 Ford Mustang No big deal really they are pretty much like bellybuttons everyone has one. But mine is unique in the fact that the more I mess with the damn thing the more it falls apart. Case in point..... The drivers side window is messed up pretty bad, no no one smashed it in and tried to steal my stock radio. The arms that raise and lower the window are made out of cheap sheet metal possibly aluminum not to sure but the stuff bends easy. Well it constantly fell off track and wouldn't go up or down properly. So in my infinate wizdom I decided to to try and fix it my self and in true white trash fasion ended up making things worse. I totaly snaped the arms that held the window in place so now it is going to forever be stuck in the up position. On top of that I ended up braking the brackets that kept the door handled attached to the door pannel. Being the White trash auto specialist that I am I had a solution. I took some wall anchors drilled a few holes and presto problem solved. I still can't roll my window down but at least I can close the door now. So the moral of this story is if you don't have money to fix it right leave it the fuck alone. Chances are you going to screw something up and have to have the White trash mechanic fix it for you and you really don't want that now do you ????
Wiz....
Were you born a total idiot or did you have to work at it ? |
| posted by Wired Wizard @ 5:00 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
" 
