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| Lazy Ass |
| Tuesday, March 01, 2005 |
Once again here is another example of cut and paste technology or as you all know I have nothing to write about so here go some jokes.
Mother and Daughter
When her five-year-old daughter began asking questions about the facts of life, the mother carefully explained how babies were made. For several days, the child went over this fascinating new material with her mother. ''So the sperm from Daddy fertilizes the ovum from Mommy and the baby is carried in Mommy's tummy.'' ''That's right, honey'' her mother said. ''But how does the sperm get there?'' she asked. ''Does Mommy swallow it?'' ''If Mommy wants a new cocktail dress, she does,'' came the reply.
The Prostitute and her Doctor
Doctor: "I'm afraid I have some good news and some bad news, Liz." Liz: "Well, give me the good news first, Doc." Doctor: "Your lab tests came back today, and your crabs are all gone." Liz: Gee, that's great! But what's the bad news?" Doctor: "We don't know what killed them."
Even In the Animal Kingdom
There's a blind rabbit and a blind snake that are friends. One day, the blind rabbit tells the blind snake that he doesn't know what he is, because he can't see. The blind snake takes ahold of the rabbit and says, ''Well, you have long fur covered ears and a short little tail. You must be a rabbit.'' The rabbit was happy to know what he was. He tells the blind snake, ''Come here and I will try to determine what you are.'' The blind rabbit feels the snake and finally says, ''You're cold and slimy and don't have any balls. You must be a lawyer.''
Could this be true?
Why does Micheal Jackson like 28 year olds so much? Because there are 20 of them.
My Possible Future
Three old men were sitting around complaining about how much their hands shook. The first geezer said, 'My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I cut my face!' The second old fogey one-upped him. 'My hands shake so bad that when I trimmed my garden yesterday I sliced all my flowers!' The third old man laughed and said, 'That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times.'
The Truth At Last
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken." "No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."
French People are funny
There was an American man that had an meeting in France. He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having sex, she was yelling, ''TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX.'' He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise. The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with. One of them made a hole in one. He yelled, ''TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !'' They looked at him and said, ''what do you mean wrong hole?''
Thats pretty damn big
A lady was laying on the doctor's table, waiting for her annual pap test. The doctor came in, and as he was preparing himself, she mentioned that she had 6 kids. He said ''Yeah, I can tell....You have the biggest box I have ever seen''. She was offended as hell, and after she got home, she went into the bathroom, and took the mirror off the wall, and laid it on the floor so she could have a look for herself. As she squatted over the mirror, her husband walked in and saw her. He asked her what she was doing. She said ''I am doing my exercizes. He said '' Well, be careful. Don't fall into that f*cking hole''
Thats pretty damn big part 2
A man and a woman decided to abstain from sex before marriage. After making love on their wedding night,the man looked over at his bride and noticed that she appeared quite annoyed."What's wrong?"he asked."Well,"she said,"when I agreed to marry you,I didn't realize that you had such a small organ." To which the man replied,"Well,when I agreed to marry YOU, I didn't realize that my organ would be playing in a cathedral!"
Lucky Dude
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, ''Ma'm, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'' She replies, ''if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436.''
Stupid Teen
19-year-old female was asked why she was in the ER. She said that she and her boyfriend were having sex and the condom came off and she wasn't able to retrieve it with her fingers. "Then I went to the bathroom and 'gagged' myself to vomit, but couldn't vomit it up either."
Medical Humor
A prostitute went to visit a colleague in the hospital just before she was about to have a heart transplant. The woman, concerned about her friend's welfare, went up to the surgeon who was going to perform the operation and said "Doctor, I'm worried about my friend. What if her body rejects the organ?" The doctor replied "Well, she's 34 years old and is in extremely good health, except for her heart condition. How long has she been in the business?" The patient's friend replied "She's been working since she was 18 years old, but what's that got to do with anything?" "Well," said the doctor, "if she's been working for 16 years and hasn't rejected an organ, I don't think she's about to start now!"
Office problems
An executive was stessed out. He had to fire one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, either Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, since they were both equally qualified and both excellent workers. He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go. Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take a couple of aspirins and the executive approached her and said, "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." Debra replied, "Could you please jack off? I have a terrible headache."
Well thats enough for now even I get tired of the miracles of cut and paste so enjoy.
Wired Wizard |
posted by Wired Wizard @ 1:32 PM   |
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