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| That will never work. |
| Friday, June 03, 2005 |
Lying Ho
You know guys for the most part are pretty simple creatures, hell most guys would be happy touching themselves while laying on a hot rock somewhere.
When you ask a guy what's on his mind and he says that nothing is on his mind chances are pretty good there isn't nothing going on inside that vacant coconut unless we are in a strip club.
Guys have basic needs
Sports
Sex
Beer
Cars
Sex
see pretty damn simple creatures like I said but guys simple does not have to equate stupid and some of the things that we guys say or have said while trying to impress or pick up a member of the opposite sex well to say that some one is pissing in our collective gene pool might be a damn good guess. Here are a few thing that you should under no circumstances say to a woman.
1. Hey baby nice legs what time do they open?
Chances are after hearing that the legs are going to say closed for you forever dumbass.
2. Baby your legs must be tired because you have been running through my mind.
ok not much better than the first one now is it? Go to the bathroom in shame and hang yourself Casanova.
3. Hey Bitch Wanna Fuck?
Strangely this might work if your name is P Diddy, 50 Cent , Tom Cruise , Gene Simmons , Vin Diesel or if she is a crack ho and you have a vial. But in general this is far to blunt. Go to bathroom stick head and toilet and flush every 30 seconds putz.
4.You must be a library book because I want to check you out.
Once again this is no way to make a first impression because after saying that your going to be checking her out all night as she goes home with someone else. Hide in dark corner and drink yourself into a coma.
5. Hey Baby what's your sign?
What the fuck is it 1972 again and someone not tell me? Did that work back then either? Someone let me know. Brace your self for enormous amount of laughter at you not with you. Go to another bar/Club try again if you strike out 2 more times your OUT.
6.Hey does God know that one of his angels is standing right in front of me ?
This might work with nerdy girls. Normal girls will promptly exit stage right. Drink some more then try again.
7.Girl you are the rise in my Levi's
Ok now when you get a slap in the face and a kick to the nuts don' t sit there and wonder why. Jerk off.
8. Come here often?
Especially don't say this in a strip club it's not funny you fucking comedian. In a club don't say it either because it makes you sound desperate and seem as if you don't get out of your parents basement to often.
9. I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away!
chances are you going to either get a shot to the nuts or the ribs so you can feel what it's like to lose your breath you fool. Train your self to breath again leave bar/club in shame
10 If I were a squirrel I'd bust a nut in your hole."
after you finish picking up your teeth make dentist appointment.
11 You'll do.
And chances are you will be going home alone with a slap print on your face.
12 I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.
see 11
13 Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
that once again might work with nerdy girls or homely ones. Or if your a pretty good looking dude it might work with a hot chick but lets face it that's just to cute that it is sickening. Don't try it.
14 do you use windex on your pants? Cuz I can see myself in them
Man if that doesn't say horny I don't know what will. And if the chick falls for it just remember to see you personal physician early Monday Morning chances are good that you got something that Bleach won't remove.
15 So, want to come back to my place for pizza and sex? No? Why you don't like pizza?
Ok Quasimodo did you think for a minute that would work nice try retreat to alley way somewhere hide among the winos.
16 Do you believe in love at first sight, or shall I walk by again?
this one is guaranteed to get you laughed out of whatever establishment your at. Just remember to keep walking
17 call me Fred flintstone cuz I'll make your bed rock
yeah that's gonna work Romeo. Get your ass back to the cave.
18. call me milk cuz I'll do your body good
I am just at a loss for words.
19. How do you like your eggs in the morning? scrambled or fertilized?
whoa what ever chance you had just got shot right out of the window with a rocket launcher. Return to car and drive to nearest pier don't stop till you feel your feet getting a bit wet.
20. If your body was a map of the world can u guess which continent I'd visit first
Australia cause its the land down under
Easy there Magellan your not going to be conquering new lands with that line trust me keep searching I would suggest the morgue.
Well mind you these lines are all dependent on a few factors
How ballsy you are and defiantly your looks some might actually work but a general rule of thumb your better off trying to be yourself ( that is unless your personality sucks) chances are just being normal will work 100 times better than some corny pick up line. But then again so does a shit load of cash.
Wired Wizard.
Why don't we get drunk and screw?
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posted by Wired Wizard @ 2:29 AM   |
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