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| Sounds of the Holidays |
| Tuesday, December 28, 2004 |
Ok first and foremost if you haven't figured this out as of yet We are located in Florida no big surprise there so with that out of the way on with my rant.
If you live anywhere up north say from Maine to about Washington DC you know that Christmas is special time of year. Even the whinos don't seem to bring you down and your more likely to toss him a few bucks from your pocket than walk over him/her as if they were little more than a large obstruction. But in Florida it is not the same. The weather is mild no chance in hell of snow and if it does get cold enough every one complains. Well the holidays in Florida suck. No snow no snow days and you don't get the same feeling that you have up north. It starts right about Halloween and doesn't end till way after Easter. Then you have the blistering heat that would send the devil himself back to hell for some cooler air and to get out of the sun.
But this is not a gripe about the summers hellish heat at least not yet wait a few months for that..
But the holidays for the most part in my mind require snow or at least cold weather call me old fashioned but pink flamingos pulling Santas sleigh just don't cut it. That is obviously a Florida thing tacky as it may be but yet there are few houses sporting this blasphmey. But all in all its not that bad or is it ? Who knows all I know is that you don't decorate a palm tree with christmas lights Evergreens have that covered you don't have pink flamingos pulling santas sleigh reindeers have that job and you don't just go out and get a tan on Christmas day there is just something so wrong with that. So if your up north bitching about the cold and snow consider yourself lucky that the season fits the holiday where as here in the South it doesn't.
Wired Wizard. |
posted by Wired Wizard @ 7:02 PM   |
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| 1 Comments: |
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Foist: What does Florida have the market cornered on? Old-Ass Retirees.
Second: Where do you think all these Old-Ass Retirees come from?
Up North.
Turd: What do you think that all those Old-Ass Retirees
have had to put up with with the holidays Up North?
Snow and Ice.
I am a White Southern Male who has lived in Florida damn near all his life, save the 4 years I was in the service, and since last September I've been living in Brookfield, Wisconsin.
I now know why it is so fucking dangerous to drive in Florida...because all these Old-Ass Retiree fuckers fly south for the funeral (theirs) but they bring their shitty driving habits with them, but I digress.
I have had the priviledge of having a cold christmas, if not a white one. We did'nt get any snow up here on X-mas day, but it was in the single digits as far as temp-wise goes. Snow is great as a kid, but as an adult(like me) having to drive in the Snow and Ice(like I have to)and having to work outside(like I do), extreme cold really blows, but this isn't a rant about weather.
Basically, what I think is that all the aforementioned Old-Ass Fuckers down there have had God-Knows-How-Many hundreds of years worth of snow-laden holidays, which is why they go to Florida to die; they're tired of shoveling snow on Christmas morning.
Somehow fake snow sprayed on windows when the yard is green doesnt make much sense to me. Snowy holidays is a Northern thing. Pink Flamingoes-although I would'nt consider them a Southern thing-are definitely a Florida thing. Plus, it makes it easier to explain to the brats how the sleigh is pulled.
Up North: 'Daddy, how do the reindeer fly?' 'Well, Santa sprinkles Magic Pixie Dust on them.'
In Florida: 'Daddy, how do the flamingoes fly?' 'Because they are BIRDS!'
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" 
Foist: What does Florida have the market cornered on? Old-Ass Retirees.
Second: Where do you think all these Old-Ass Retirees come from?
Up North.
Turd: What do you think that all those Old-Ass Retirees
have had to put up with with the holidays Up North?
Snow and Ice.
I am a White Southern Male who has lived in Florida damn near all his life, save the 4 years I was in the service, and since last September I've been living in Brookfield, Wisconsin.
I now know why it is so fucking dangerous to drive in Florida...because all these Old-Ass Retiree fuckers fly south for the funeral (theirs) but they bring their shitty driving habits with them, but I digress.
I have had the priviledge of having a cold christmas, if not a white one. We did'nt get any snow up here on X-mas day, but it was in the single digits as far as temp-wise goes. Snow is great as a kid, but as an adult(like me) having to drive in the Snow and Ice(like I have to)and having to work outside(like I do), extreme cold really blows, but this isn't a rant about weather.
Basically, what I think is that all the aforementioned Old-Ass Fuckers down there have had God-Knows-How-Many hundreds of years worth of snow-laden holidays, which is why they go to Florida to die; they're tired of shoveling snow on Christmas morning.
Somehow fake snow sprayed on windows when the yard is green doesnt make much sense to me. Snowy holidays is a Northern thing. Pink Flamingoes-although I would'nt consider them a Southern thing-are definitely a Florida thing. Plus, it makes it easier to explain to the brats how the sleigh is pulled.
Up North: 'Daddy, how do the reindeer fly?' 'Well, Santa sprinkles Magic Pixie Dust on them.'
In Florida: 'Daddy, how do the flamingoes fly?' 'Because they are BIRDS!'